For the past few weeks I have felt this strange unnoticeable burden on me. Ineffective, drone-like, apathetic, a need to prove myself...
Maybe it's because of the totally new environments I have been exposed to or the people I have been continuously exposed to...or maybe I am just trying to be something I'm not.
It's time to go back to the basics.
I don't know how to ride a unicycle, drive a manual car, play an instrument adequately, manage a multi-billion dollar hedge fund, and the list goes on.
But, it's not about what I don't know how to do.
When it comes down to trying to get to know me, I am quite simple. I adore reading books, hiking, spending time outdoors, watching the occasional movie here and there, playing basketball with friends, praying to God throughout the day, and spending time by myself. Of course the occasional spontaneous shift of my balance of my likes is enjoyable as well. Not a big fan of big groups, I would rather spend time with a few or even one person. Acting as though an extroverted person is a skill of mine, but regenerating on my own is a necessity. I need to stop pretending I care about the end, when I am more concerned with how the end came to pass. The study of economics can be frustrating at times with there being such an emphasis on the final product, neglecting the motivations behind the decision. Whether a person decides to spend $40 on a concert ticket or food is the same right? Perhaps yes if you are satisfied with the mere outcome.
Christianity is beautiful in that the outcome is already known. There is no need to wonder where you will be when the time comes for physical death. The journey of glorifying and praising the Lord Most High is the ultimate honor. Living for more than yourself entails peace and an incessant energy source.
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding"
