breathing

Every time I sin, recognize what I did, and then repent, I feel a bit apprehensive for what discipline is awaiting me.

Again, common theme of my life, my life has become comfortable. Urgent things are happening, yet I am not acting like a man with only one life to live and glorify Christ.

This morning as I walked with Jon Kang towards SAC to play Friday morning basketball, the right side of my body became tense and I doubled over with pain. It was as if a crane had come and crushed my right side. As my vision began to become dimmer with the seconds, I could feel something in me flutter over and over again. As I fell down on my knees on the sidewalk, I thought to myself: this is it, I'm leaving this world. As I limped over to the sidewalk to wait for Jon to bring his car to take me to the ER, I watched people pass by me looking at me with confusion, yet going on with their lives. Before heading to the ER I tried to walk to the Ashe center because I knew UCLA's policy was to have students first go to Ashe before any medical center. The 50 yards I walked to the Ashe center (which was closed) and the 50 yards back to Jon's car at the turnaround combined into the most difficult walking, hiking, or running experience in my life. Marathon? nothing. Walking through Spain? nothing. That walk exposed me as a vulnerable, helpless being. Amazingly I made it to Jon's car again, and we headed to the ER.

The next 2 days are kind of a blur to me. Had 3 different operations, one of them in which the doctor made a mistake. 8 chest x-rays. Being pushed through the hallways of the ER on a bed for the first time. Honestly, I cannot write everything that was going through my mind in this blog entry. I was trying to process so many different thoughts racing through my mind. Truthfully speaking, typing is very tiring to me as well as any physical activity.

Missed a case competition for my class, KCM senior banquet, church, and tons of other things in the near future. Man, I was dealing with my helplessness, and...just so much.

Just so I can take notes for future reference (this is for my own comprehension):

-weakness, strength

-assistance

-discipline

-tolerance

-breathing

-running, jumping

-despair

-urgency

-seek

I will be spending the next few days in solitude and in evaluation...

I will respond. God is my refuge, and to be feared.

To be continued with more introspection and a sane mind...

Honors

In a few weeks I will be graduating with an Bachelor of Arts degree in economics from UCLA. Under my graduation status, I will be labeled with the college honors program, summa cum laude latin honors, and a member of the honors society Phi Beta Kappa. The only distinction that I am actually very glad about is being a member of Phi Beta Kappa. It allows my family to attend an exclusive Phi Beta Kappa induction/graduation ceremony while I can celebrate with friends at a separate departmental graduation. Other than that, it doesn't carry much worth. By no way am I attempting to trivialize the value of the work and discipline that paved the way for these honors. I recognize and respect the sacrifices that many students had to make in order to achieve whatever academic distinction they incurred during their collegiate careers. What I am trying to get across is that whatever honors or distinctions we are able to incur can be described with one term: fleeting. Sure, it feels great to have your name called out and be able to add another line to your resume. However, in reality these awards are like the fancy buildings you drive by in downtown. They are a result of your willingness to drive through, but once you pass them, they are forgotten (unless you make an effort to go back).

What we are exposed to every day is what shapes our lives, feelings, beliefs, and identities. Does your Phi Beta Kappa membership carry any weight in your relationships with family, friends, and everyone around you? At most, the distinction is a reflection of who you are already (a person who enjoys learning and challenging your intellectual side). Focus on your daily interactions and the impact you have on your environment. Cho, one of my closest friends, stated in a senior interview that relationships are what last, and external accomplishments are not relevant in your meaningful relationships. I agree completely. Your accomplishments should not drive your meaningful relationships. We all have those friends with whom we will support and cherish regardless of what they accomplish. In many cases who you are will determine what you do.

Mark 8:35-36

"For whoever who would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the world but forfeit his soul?"

As a man who sins and is faint at heart, I must remind myself every day that true honors comes from above. Strive for excellence in order to glorify the sovereign one above.

Instead of finishing some school work on Saturday, I found the time to re-evaluate and write my current mission statement (inspired by my spontaneous viewing of the movie Jerry Maguire).

Leave situations better than how you found it. Live a life that makes people wonder at your source.

I can confidently say that I will fail many times; however, just like with sin, I will pray and rely on my savior. Victory is certain and has been obtained.

John 16:33

"I have told you these things, that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Romans 8:38-39

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Thursday and Friday Pursuits

Kayaking in the early morning...also dropped my phone into the water.

Welcome to the Port of Los Angeles.

Us being silly.

Farmers Market lunch

Chilling with the professor

Getting ready to have our boat tour

Enjoying the cruise

Watching cargo ships

Honey Kettle. JK is extremely happy because of the chicken

Ready to feast on the chicken...

Oops...I forgot to make an entry about my short trip to the Grand Canyon. I will do that as soon as possible.

On the other hand, went kayaking Thursday morning which was great fun; however, I managed to drop and watch my phone sink to the bottom of the harbor. After brunch in Santa Monica, picked up my cousin Allison from school to have at quick lunch at Cafe Bolivar. Had a quick conversation before she had to go back to school. Went swimming at sunset rec, then went to the joint KCCCM meeting. For late night fellowship, Dnoh and I shared 3 dishes at Noodle Planet.

Friday was an awesome day because I went on a school field trip! For the first time since probably elementary school, I went on a field trip with my professor and urban planning class to the port of Los Angeles. The scale of activity was mind-boggling...cargo ships with countless containers and cranes that I would be very hesitant to even attempt to operate. On our boat tour we had a glimpse of a federal prison located at the port, and my highlight: a navy battleship and a princess cruise line ship side by side. Hilarious! It was a perfect representation of polarized Los Angeles. A person on a vacation with the cruise line and a military officer with commitments to national security...on the same water surface but in totally different situations. After the fun field trip, went home to play basketball with Albert and then ate dinner with JK, Cho, and Shalom at Honey Kettle.

Alright I need to get back to my midterm paper, so farewell for now.

Welcome to my neighborhood

Wilshire Blvd.

When I come this point, I get excited because I'm almost home.

There's Stevo walking to Subway.

I have seen people waiting at this corner waiting for a friend with a car to randomly come by and pick them up. The informal taxi stop.

This entry will be devoted to my neighborhood, the 'hood south of Wilshire.

When people ask UCLA students where they live, there are 3 typical responses.

1) Dorms

2) North of Wilshire

3) South of Wilshire

Each living area is distinct and carries pros and cons. Since this entry is dedicated to my area, I will explicate the area south of Wilshire.

Many stereotypes my neighborhood faces:

Cheaper rent.

Isolation from UCLA.

The unknown to many UCLA students.

Cheaper rent. Living south of Wilshire Blvd. entails many benefits and one of these benefits is more value rent. Rent is not really less than apartments to the north. Instead, apartments typically have more square footage, parking spaces, and are quiet due to the many families that live in the area. Let me be clear: my description of south of Wilshire is anywhere within walking distance of the Wilshire Shuttle. Anyways, yeah living down south gives you more value for your money (it ain't cheap).

Isolation from UCLA. There is a free shuttle provided by UCLA that operates from 7:30AM-5:30PM Monday-Friday that drops students off at campus. Just like at the dorms when you see the same people every day walking to classes when you go to classes, I see the same people when going to class by way of the shuttle. It gets crowded sometimes, but it's manageable. It is necessary to be kind to the drivers, as they will return the favor one day when you are running late and they stop just for you to get on the shuttle. You should be nice anyway, but it's an added bonus. Living south definitely puts you apart from campus as you must take a vehicle to campus (actually you can walk...it's only a mile...but nobody really does that). I definitely spend less time on campus as I know I can retreat to my cozy neighborhood to the south.

The unknown. I still don't know my neighborhood that well. There are so many restaurants and boutique chops that I end up resorting to those I know: La Choza, Mr. Noodle, Subway, Thai Fresh, and a couple others that I can't seem to remember. When I run around my neighborhood I am constantly amazed at the variety of housing and the serene neighborhood across Westwood Blvd. that houses an elementary school and unique houses. Basically, you can always be surprised down south.

While a bit detached from campus (that is probably my personal fault), I am very happy to be living at the apartments south of Wilshire Blvd. It definitely helps that I always run into friends who live in apartments close by. Actually, I know why I like living down here. It's because of the people around me.

It's not where you live, it's who you live with :)