For the past few weeks I have felt this strange unnoticeable burden on me. Ineffective, drone-like, apathetic, a need to prove myself...
Maybe it's because of the totally new environments I have been exposed to or the people I have been continuously exposed to...or maybe I am just trying to be something I'm not.
It's time to go back to the basics.
I don't know how to ride a unicycle, drive a manual car, play an instrument adequately, manage a multi-billion dollar hedge fund, and the list goes on.
But, it's not about what I don't know how to do.
When it comes down to trying to get to know me, I am quite simple. I adore reading books, hiking, spending time outdoors, watching the occasional movie here and there, playing basketball with friends, praying to God throughout the day, and spending time by myself. Of course the occasional spontaneous shift of my balance of my likes is enjoyable as well. Not a big fan of big groups, I would rather spend time with a few or even one person. Acting as though an extroverted person is a skill of mine, but regenerating on my own is a necessity. I need to stop pretending I care about the end, when I am more concerned with how the end came to pass. The study of economics can be frustrating at times with there being such an emphasis on the final product, neglecting the motivations behind the decision. Whether a person decides to spend $40 on a concert ticket or food is the same right? Perhaps yes if you are satisfied with the mere outcome.
Christianity is beautiful in that the outcome is already known. There is no need to wonder where you will be when the time comes for physical death. The journey of glorifying and praising the Lord Most High is the ultimate honor. Living for more than yourself entails peace and an incessant energy source.
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding"
Friday, May 15, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Timing
Luck, Fate, or whatever you want to call it (I say fate).
Timing is crucial. Arrive to class one minute late and you may miss out on the description of the upcoming midterm. Walk into an interview late and you immediately set an undesirable first impression on the interviewer. Leave a panel early and you may miss out on a guest speaker and crucial information. Get to a bus stop 10 seconds late and you may end up waiting another 20 minutes.
Examples upon examples come to mind, and it all comes down to punctuality. In the past couple years, my adherence to punctuality has declined due to my observation of those around me. I admit I am easily and always influenced by my surrounding environment, whether that is by way of imitation or repulsion. So, why am I reflecting on timing? Well, this afternoon I had decided to stay at a meeting despite a deep desire to leave and eat lunch. After sticking around, Chancellor Block came and gave an encouraging talk on his path to his current position. Wow, what if I had decided to leave? Following the meeting, lunch, and my time sitting at the peer advising table in Covel, I went to my room to finish watching a Korean movie that I had not finished during the morning's Korean discussion. Of course I became absorbed in the movie, and I kept putting off my plan to go to a guest lecture on behavioral finance by a visiting Carnegie Mellon professor. With 10 minutes left in the movie and my unrest with not going to the lecture, I paused the movie and ran down to the Anderson School. The lecture was supposed to start at 3, but I had left my room at 3:15. As I arrived at the room, I found out that everyone had left to another room (I assume this because nobody was there). If only I was there 20 minutes earlier...
Missing the lecture is trivial (no offense intended to the lecturer); instead, my recognition of my deteriorating sense of punctuality has become very pungent.
"Be quick, but do not hurry." -John Wooden-
Timing is crucial. Arrive to class one minute late and you may miss out on the description of the upcoming midterm. Walk into an interview late and you immediately set an undesirable first impression on the interviewer. Leave a panel early and you may miss out on a guest speaker and crucial information. Get to a bus stop 10 seconds late and you may end up waiting another 20 minutes.
Examples upon examples come to mind, and it all comes down to punctuality. In the past couple years, my adherence to punctuality has declined due to my observation of those around me. I admit I am easily and always influenced by my surrounding environment, whether that is by way of imitation or repulsion. So, why am I reflecting on timing? Well, this afternoon I had decided to stay at a meeting despite a deep desire to leave and eat lunch. After sticking around, Chancellor Block came and gave an encouraging talk on his path to his current position. Wow, what if I had decided to leave? Following the meeting, lunch, and my time sitting at the peer advising table in Covel, I went to my room to finish watching a Korean movie that I had not finished during the morning's Korean discussion. Of course I became absorbed in the movie, and I kept putting off my plan to go to a guest lecture on behavioral finance by a visiting Carnegie Mellon professor. With 10 minutes left in the movie and my unrest with not going to the lecture, I paused the movie and ran down to the Anderson School. The lecture was supposed to start at 3, but I had left my room at 3:15. As I arrived at the room, I found out that everyone had left to another room (I assume this because nobody was there). If only I was there 20 minutes earlier...
Missing the lecture is trivial (no offense intended to the lecturer); instead, my recognition of my deteriorating sense of punctuality has become very pungent.
"Be quick, but do not hurry." -John Wooden-
Friday, February 20, 2009
Quick Post
Retreating to my personal journal, I have neglected this blog and it has become antiquated.
I am about to enter the weekend preceding week 8 of winter quarter. I feel as though I have resorted to my attitude of quarters prior to the last one with the addition of a more diverse group of experiences. My continued study of chaos theory, conspicuous consumption, market externalities, separation of ownership and control, and more is utterly captivating.
Earlier today I met up with my friend Daniel and we updated each other on what's going on in each others' lives in order to encourage. With continued study at Chicago and Harvard Law School, Daniel's plans thrilled and excited me all the more. As we discussed what I have planned, we became more and more excited. Every year has more and more blessings in store, and I cannot thank God enough for what is and what is to come. If it is God's will, there will be many avenues that facilitate the goals I have placed in front of me. I am a recipient of God's grace. Not of myself, but greater strength in him through me.
Anxious and nervous, I will be interning for a reputable financial firm next quarter that specializes in high wealth management. What I am more excited about is that in the office, there are a multitude of different specialties housed within seconds of each other. Examining and working in this high powered environment, I hope to establish healthy relationships that will continue after the internship.
This post is being utilized as a short update on what is going through my mind at the moment regarding some experiences to come. Due to my aversion to divulging many things I have planned, I will direct attention to what matters most in my life.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
I am realizing more and more how I have been provided for in times of need. This assists my grasp of why I cannot be knowledgeable of all I have learned. A particular sermon here and there, or even a conversation, is placed perfectly in my life so that I may assist a brother/sister/myself at that particular moment.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without approach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting...the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." James 1,3
From the divided-self to the assumption of being above-average, all these phenomenons give glory to God.
I am a mere servant, seeking to "be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1).
The embodiment of imperfection, yet in pursuit of a Holy God.
Discipline. Vision. Decision.
I am about to enter the weekend preceding week 8 of winter quarter. I feel as though I have resorted to my attitude of quarters prior to the last one with the addition of a more diverse group of experiences. My continued study of chaos theory, conspicuous consumption, market externalities, separation of ownership and control, and more is utterly captivating.
Earlier today I met up with my friend Daniel and we updated each other on what's going on in each others' lives in order to encourage. With continued study at Chicago and Harvard Law School, Daniel's plans thrilled and excited me all the more. As we discussed what I have planned, we became more and more excited. Every year has more and more blessings in store, and I cannot thank God enough for what is and what is to come. If it is God's will, there will be many avenues that facilitate the goals I have placed in front of me. I am a recipient of God's grace. Not of myself, but greater strength in him through me.
Anxious and nervous, I will be interning for a reputable financial firm next quarter that specializes in high wealth management. What I am more excited about is that in the office, there are a multitude of different specialties housed within seconds of each other. Examining and working in this high powered environment, I hope to establish healthy relationships that will continue after the internship.
This post is being utilized as a short update on what is going through my mind at the moment regarding some experiences to come. Due to my aversion to divulging many things I have planned, I will direct attention to what matters most in my life.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
I am realizing more and more how I have been provided for in times of need. This assists my grasp of why I cannot be knowledgeable of all I have learned. A particular sermon here and there, or even a conversation, is placed perfectly in my life so that I may assist a brother/sister/myself at that particular moment.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without approach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting...the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." James 1,3
From the divided-self to the assumption of being above-average, all these phenomenons give glory to God.
I am a mere servant, seeking to "be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1).
The embodiment of imperfection, yet in pursuit of a Holy God.
Discipline. Vision. Decision.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Comfort
There is a dormant disease within me, propagating itself in all my surroundings. As I sleep on my comfortable bed, eat nutritious meals, watch highlights of NBA games, listen to lectures, and live my daily life, this disease incubates itself to the point that I forget its existence.
Comfort.
I despise, yet cuddle thee in my arms. You are a parasite to my soul, engendering apathy and a banal perspective.
My response is not my own. Less of me, more of you.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Comfort.
I despise, yet cuddle thee in my arms. You are a parasite to my soul, engendering apathy and a banal perspective.
My response is not my own. Less of me, more of you.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Lake Piru
Before I moved back into UCLA, my family took a trip to visit Lake Piru.
Renting a motor boat, we steered our way around the lake and had a little picnic near the mountain banks. At one point, the boat was caught by the reeds in the water, and we were stuck for around 30 minutes. After that scary episode, we made it out alive and continued our trek around the lake. I'm a bit tired at the moment so I'll stop here.
Cheers
Monday, September 15, 2008
Obsession
It appears as though some people think I am obsessed with test scores and grades. This assumption may stem from my serious attitude towards my studies and my enjoyment of school. Please allow me the opportunity to trivialize this assumption.
I could care less what your grades or test scores are. They do little to show me who you are as an individual and what experiences you have been through. Friends, I care about who you are, not what your GPA is. A little favor I would ask of people is that they not constantly ask me my grades or my grade point average. Instead, I would love for people to ask whether I am learning and what I am being exposed to through my classes and opportunities outside of the classroom. In addition, my choice to major in economics is not a means to an end. So please stop asking what I am going to do with my major and whether I am going to go into business (the term "business" is so vague...in fact, we are ALL going into business by way of exchanging dollars for goods and services, etc etc). I am studying economics because I love what the subject entails with respects to a systems approach towards problems and resources. I understand that many students look at college as a means to a higher salary and better career prospects. We are all placed in different circumstances and face different pressures from within and family support.
Proverbs 27:1
"Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth."
I pray that my plans are in tune with God's plan to use me as a tool.
Life may not turn out the way you wanted it to churn out...but isn't that the exciting part?
I could care less what your grades or test scores are. They do little to show me who you are as an individual and what experiences you have been through. Friends, I care about who you are, not what your GPA is. A little favor I would ask of people is that they not constantly ask me my grades or my grade point average. Instead, I would love for people to ask whether I am learning and what I am being exposed to through my classes and opportunities outside of the classroom. In addition, my choice to major in economics is not a means to an end. So please stop asking what I am going to do with my major and whether I am going to go into business (the term "business" is so vague...in fact, we are ALL going into business by way of exchanging dollars for goods and services, etc etc). I am studying economics because I love what the subject entails with respects to a systems approach towards problems and resources. I understand that many students look at college as a means to a higher salary and better career prospects. We are all placed in different circumstances and face different pressures from within and family support.
Proverbs 27:1
"Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth."
I pray that my plans are in tune with God's plan to use me as a tool.
Life may not turn out the way you wanted it to churn out...but isn't that the exciting part?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
El Camino Frances
One week ago I finished a journey of a lifetime. As I rest at home, it's hard to imagine that for two weeks I was walking 20 miles a day through the Spanish countryside (mostly the Galicia region) and surviving on bread and cheese.
A little background on the Camino de Santiago:
There are 3 pilgrimages that have been popularized in Christianity, to Jerusalem, Rome, and Santiago de Compostela. The Camino de Santiago has a couple different routes for people coming from all over Europe: Camino Norte, Camino Ingles, Camino Frances, Camino Portugues, and I think one more. Basically all these routes end up in Santiago de Compostela, where the remains of the Apostle James are located. James journeyed to Western Europe to evangelize, and was eventually beheaded under the orders of King Herrod. His remains were then transported to the region where he had feverantly spread the gospel.
I journeyed along the Camino Frances (if you start at the origin, it takes more than a month) for 2 weeks. Life was made so simple to the point that you realize you have too much junk and start throwing stuff away to make your rucksack lighter. Since food was scarce in the countryside, countless meals consisted of bread and cheese. However, these meals were the best I have ever had. Euipped with only a bible and a journal, I spend hours upon hours every day absorbed in who I am becoming and what is really important to me. The simple cafe con leche in the morning lifted my spirits as I woke up at 5:30 every day to begin my walk. Meeting people from Poland, Germany, Belgium, France, Canada, and many other places, I was able to engage in conversation from Putin to how to react to your children's mistakes. Many of the pilgrims were limited in English, so the language barrier was an impediment to prolonged conversation. But sharing....
I just realized it would take way too long to actually express what went on during the Camino, including realizations about people, myself, and God.
Those two weeks helped me realize how little I really do know. Strangely, acknowledging how little I know has actually encouraged me and given me strength.
I embody countless human faults and failures, but that makes me all the more secure. I'm not impressed by fancy cars and pretentious behavior. Every person is special, no matter what occupation, school, family, dreams, etc.
So much happened during this journey, so I'm sorry that I can't provide a one page synopsis of the Camino de Santiago. All I can say is that we are all blessed.
A little background on the Camino de Santiago:
There are 3 pilgrimages that have been popularized in Christianity, to Jerusalem, Rome, and Santiago de Compostela. The Camino de Santiago has a couple different routes for people coming from all over Europe: Camino Norte, Camino Ingles, Camino Frances, Camino Portugues, and I think one more. Basically all these routes end up in Santiago de Compostela, where the remains of the Apostle James are located. James journeyed to Western Europe to evangelize, and was eventually beheaded under the orders of King Herrod. His remains were then transported to the region where he had feverantly spread the gospel.
I journeyed along the Camino Frances (if you start at the origin, it takes more than a month) for 2 weeks. Life was made so simple to the point that you realize you have too much junk and start throwing stuff away to make your rucksack lighter. Since food was scarce in the countryside, countless meals consisted of bread and cheese. However, these meals were the best I have ever had. Euipped with only a bible and a journal, I spend hours upon hours every day absorbed in who I am becoming and what is really important to me. The simple cafe con leche in the morning lifted my spirits as I woke up at 5:30 every day to begin my walk. Meeting people from Poland, Germany, Belgium, France, Canada, and many other places, I was able to engage in conversation from Putin to how to react to your children's mistakes. Many of the pilgrims were limited in English, so the language barrier was an impediment to prolonged conversation. But sharing....
I just realized it would take way too long to actually express what went on during the Camino, including realizations about people, myself, and God.
Those two weeks helped me realize how little I really do know. Strangely, acknowledging how little I know has actually encouraged me and given me strength.
I embody countless human faults and failures, but that makes me all the more secure. I'm not impressed by fancy cars and pretentious behavior. Every person is special, no matter what occupation, school, family, dreams, etc.
So much happened during this journey, so I'm sorry that I can't provide a one page synopsis of the Camino de Santiago. All I can say is that we are all blessed.
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