The Weight of Departure

I have begun to realize the weight of my approaching departure.  Not the weight on others, but the weight on me.  Although I am thrilled and excited for what is to come, I will deeply miss what I am leaving, even if it is only for a few years.

I cannot assume that once I come back my existing relationships will be the same.  People develop, change, and enter new stages in their life.  It is certain that I will also not be the same man that left.

My parents will age, friends will get married, and new beginnings will arise for many of those whom I am close to.  It deeply saddens me that I will miss many moments and developments in the lives of those who I care significantly about.  I visualize it perfectly through the children I teach in Sunday School.  The five-year olds will be ten years old, and the twelve year olds will be on the brink of graduating high school.  

Hopeful, I wish for things to pick up exactly as I had left things...but that will not be the case.  

I am and will always be grateful for the blessings God has provided through the amazing people in my life.  But gratefulness doesn't make it any easier to leave.

Taking an oath

On my way...

"I, Jason Lee, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States...{insert rest of oath}.  So help me God."

It all happened so quickly.  Taking my oath of enlistment, signing the documents, and learning when to report to Rhode Island.  Best way to describe the turn of events would be: whirlwind.

I am ecstatic.  For something to come to fruition after years of waiting, overcoming obstacles, and self-development...it's hard to articulate what feelings I am feeling.  When it comes time for action, you act. When it comes time to reflect, you reflect.  Although I am attempting to reflect, I'm still in action mode.

All I can say is that I'm thrilled to be given an opportunity to join the fleet, and will serve my country to the best of my abilities and aptitude.

At this point I must give thanks to my family and friends who have supported me along the way.  And a special thanks to my buds who came to witness me swearing in.

And the ultimate thank you to my lord and savior Jesus Christ.  My life is a testament to the sovereignty of God at work, and I am beyond blessed to accept the grace of God in my life.  I am no better than anyone.  Just a very fortunate man.

The love of a dog

I should be finishing up some accounting homework, but I felt it was necessary to blog about my family's new dog.  

Honestly, it never entered my mind that my family would be getting a dog.  With me potentially shipping out soon, classes, ministry, and work, I just didn't think I would have time to care for a dog.

For those of you who don't know, I like to make sure most Sundays are spent at home after church.  I believe in making it an official family tradition to spend time together intentionally on Sunday.  Well, last Sunday I came home expecting to take my usual walk in the park with my parents.  Instead, my parents told me they would be going to their friend's house for dinner (yup, my parents were the ones who left me to go hang out this time).  They ended up coming home with a super sweet Cocker Spaniel.  My intial reaction: what the?  We better find a good home for this dog because I'm definitely not going to have the time to take care of him!  

Boy, was I mistaken.  Cocoa is now a part of our family and I try to spend any free time I have with him.  We go on evening strolls around the neighborhood, star gaze at night, and play catch in the backyard.  When I sit in my lounge chair outside, he either jumps into the chair next to me, or just sits at my feet. Driving to work on Monday morning, I couldn't concentrate because I kept thinking about Cocoa and what he would be doing right now.  I ended up driving past my usual carpool meet-up spot and going through downtown.  I realized what I had done, and drove quickly back to the carpool spot and apologized when my carpool partner came into my car.  

Cocoa was a very unexpected new relationship in my life.  He makes me wonder if I'll be the same way with my children (wanting to go home as soon as possible).  He's strangely super excited every time he sees me.  Truly, an unquenchable love.  He doesn't really care if I don't dote on him; he just wants me to be near him and spend time together.  Even stranger is that he shares this type of relationship with everyone he meets.  What an amazing animal!  I could learn a lot from Cocoa.  We could all learn a lot from Cocoa.

Sonic Boom

Another recollection from my youth.

I used to believe I had this secret powering up ability.  Sometimes I still think I do.  It all started on the basketball courts in my family's weekly Sunday battles.  It would always be my sister and me on one team against my parents.  The reason is that I would always fight with my older sister if we were on different teams because she would travel, tickle me, and intentionally foul me on every play.  Intelligently, my parents decided to put us on the same team every time we played.

Well, if we were ever losing I would warn my parents that I would be unleashing SONIC BOOM.  In my heart and mind, I really believed that unleashing Sonic Boom would lead my team to victory, no matter the deficit.

The Sonic Boom ritual:
1) Dribble the ball at the top of the key
2) Start running in a small circle over and over, yelling SONIC BOOM! after every revolution
3) After 5 Sonic Boom shouts, be taken over by my super energy and race towards the basket for an easy layup.

This move has never failed me.  Looking back, I am certain that my parents and older sister were so amused that they just stepped out of the way and watched me unleash Sonic Boom in order to score a basket.  However, there is always the chance that Sonic Boom really was as effective as I had believed and was one of the most intimidating moves seen on the basketball court.
SONNNNIC BOOOOM!

Thankfully I have access to a real life sonic boom.  Prayer.  Prayer to a sovereign and all-powerful God.  The ultimate sonic boom.

Fantasy Graduation

In the midst of all the graduations going on, I couldn't help but reflect on my own.  So, yes I will admit that I fantasized about my graduation ceremony.

A little dramatic, but I feel like it's a bit comedic.  I imagined myself draped with all the honor cords available to students, confidently walking up to the podium.  At the podium, announce into the mike that I am dedicating this diploma to my father.  We would then embrace in a long hug after the ceremony.

Here's how it actually went:
I was discharged from the hospital 2 days before the main graduation ceremony.  Knowing I would be too weak to really enjoy the main ceremony, I invited  family and a few close friends to my Phi Beta Kappa initiation ceremony because it was smaller and more intimate.  After having had no physical exercise for two weeks, I hobbled around and was very sensitive to air quality (basically if I saw someone smoking, I would hobble as fast as I could away and put a hand over my mouth).  Sitting down hurt, walking hurt.  Standing still was the only position in which  I felt comfortable.  Not knowing what was going on and faking a smile, I proceeded to go through the ceremony and even managed to give a small parting speech at the mike.  But just being there was draining.  Friends who were being inducted with me asked me how I was doing and offered encouragement.  However, I wasn't very good in my responses or even accepting encouragement.  I wanted it to seem as though I was perfectly alright and in excellent condition.  The hard thing was that a lot of people who had come for me didn't know about my condition (friends of my parents). So I had to endure a lot of hard hugs and strange glances from them when I winced from physical touch.  Even when we went to dinner I didn't have the energy to enjoy it, and just wanted to go home and rest.

Even the next day at the main ceremony I had no idea what was going on.  I barely managed to find my graduation gown with nothing on it, and struggled to enjoy the moment.  Afterwards, in the pictures I forced myself to smile, but again, was just drained and wanted to go home.

Man, definitely not the graduation ceremony I had imagined.

Despite it all, I am grateful that it went exactly the way it did.  To God be the glory.

Studying habits in my childhood

For the past few years I've had quite a few parents approach me to teach them on the art of studying.  I guess some people assume a particular way of being raised will foster excellence in academia.

So, I will share the secret of my youth.

I never studied.  I don't even remember ever doing homework until 7th grade.  Throughout most days in my youth I would come home, drop my backpack off on the couch, then run off with my friends to the park.  We would play at the park until the early evening, then head home.  I would come home, eat dinner, read a novel (usually the Ramona or Redwall series), practice 5 minutes of cello, listen to my parents talk, go to bed, memorize basketball player statistics for 20 minutes (Michael Jordan's highest season ppg average was 37.1), then go to bed.  Wake up in the early morning to play some video games in bed, eat breakfast, then head to school for another day of fun.  Now, there are a few key things that I must mention.  I had no internet, no cable television, no pressure from parents, and no extracurricular commitments other than Awana.    I lived in a safe neighborhood, had lots of neighbors my age, had a great library near by, and was given a lot of independence.

I will admit that things changed drastically in middle school due to unforeseen events, but that is the subject of another blog post.

Commonly said, but sincerely meant...I have the best dad.

I love my dad.  I've written a few blog posts about him already, but he is the most sincere and genuine man I personally know.  Yes, he has many faults that are easily noticeable, but he is also quick to admit his imperfections.

He has always been my biggest cheerleader and more importantly, a friend I could always depend on.  Admittedly, before studying the Korean language and progressing in my language ability we had little to say to each other.  Instead, it was all through actions.  He would come home from a long day of work and play basketball with me every day.  He would take me to basketball practice and watch me play every week.  He watched me every taekwondo class and watched me progress from a white belt to a black belt.  Since he went to work very early, he would call me to wake me up for school.  He even watched me play the video game Harvest Moon for hours whenever he could.  If I liked a snack or food, he would make sure I could have it in abundance.  If I ever said I liked something, he would make time to learn about it and want to share the news with me.  If I ever asked him to do something or mentioned I wanted something, the request would be taken care of right away.  He's a man of action, and when he's talkative, of many words too haha.  I've seen and been with him in the hardest of times for both of us, and we've become all the more closer because of it.  He chose to stick by me; I am forever grateful.  Almost everything I think of family, fatherhood, friends, and life is somehow tied to my father.  Man, God has been so gracious.

I will always treasure our weekday evening basketball battles, our rides together in his favorite pick-up truck, his advice sessions while picking fruit in the backyard, slow hikes up the local mountain-side, our daily meal of tri-tip, radishes, lettuce, and a coke for almost a year, my breakdown after the 7th grade awards ceremony and subsequent redemption....and so many more memories that need to be left unsaid or else I will start crying.

I sincerely hope that one day my children will  think of me as I think of my father.