As I struggled to get up a steep hill on a difficult trail run today, I couldn't help but recall where I would have been right now if things had gone my way. A lot of things have not gone as planned, and that is a great thing.
Many plans of my own gain had been planted in my mind leading to this point. Visions of corporate law, labor union organization, investment banking, fellowships, alphabet letter agency adventures...I keep an account of all these things in a journal, and look forward to reading my entries in later days. Somehow, whether by personal resolve/reflection/God's touch, my path has changed.
If things had gone my way I would've just finished Marine Officer Candidate School and been en route to The Basic School for a 6 month platoon leadership and ground tactics training program. And I would find out during this time what specialty I would be further trained in.
If things had gone my way I wouldn't be here and excitedly involved in a new church plant, practicing jiu-jitsu, working at UCLA hospital's billing office, further discovering my strengths among trusted family and friends, or being able to witness to the new people in my life.
Who knows? I may have been hurt badly at Quantico and dropped out. I may have suffered frost bite from the freezing cold of Quantico. Maybe I would not have been prepared. OR maybe I would've become the star of the class. Maybe achieved the best PFT score. Earned the title of Marine. I can pose these questions and hypotheticals all day.
At the end of the day I am here right now and am extremely grateful. Stronger than any other title is the title: Disciple and Follower of Christ.
Yes, times are tough and there continue to be struggles and trials in my life. However, all pales in comparison to the provision and blessings, and complete confidence in the sovereignty of God.
During the time I remain in civilian life, I will continue to wake up excited and grateful for God's providence.
Yes, I get super excited at the thought of marriage, children, future ministry, personal projects...but all of these things are in the hands of God. And because of this, I am at peace.
A non-believing co-worker asked me today, when was the moment you became a christian? Was it right after my mother died? Was it when my family was in dire circumstances? Was it when I was in suffering?
To be honest, it's when things appeared to be going well. I had achieved all that I had sought to achieve up to that point, and things were going well according to an outside view. But the realization that these things don't satisfy is what cast my heart and soul into confusion. As great as things were, what could be completely satisfying?
And then I read Ecclesiastes. God and the gospel of Jesus Christ truly satisfies. Whatever lies ahead, I am at peace knowing it's in the hands of the Almighty.
Del Mar Mud Run 2011 - Good times haha
1 comment:
Amen =)
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