Fantasy Graduation

In the midst of all the graduations going on, I couldn't help but reflect on my own.  So, yes I will admit that I fantasized about my graduation ceremony.

A little dramatic, but I feel like it's a bit comedic.  I imagined myself draped with all the honor cords available to students, confidently walking up to the podium.  At the podium, announce into the mike that I am dedicating this diploma to my father.  We would then embrace in a long hug after the ceremony.

Here's how it actually went:
I was discharged from the hospital 2 days before the main graduation ceremony.  Knowing I would be too weak to really enjoy the main ceremony, I invited  family and a few close friends to my Phi Beta Kappa initiation ceremony because it was smaller and more intimate.  After having had no physical exercise for two weeks, I hobbled around and was very sensitive to air quality (basically if I saw someone smoking, I would hobble as fast as I could away and put a hand over my mouth).  Sitting down hurt, walking hurt.  Standing still was the only position in which  I felt comfortable.  Not knowing what was going on and faking a smile, I proceeded to go through the ceremony and even managed to give a small parting speech at the mike.  But just being there was draining.  Friends who were being inducted with me asked me how I was doing and offered encouragement.  However, I wasn't very good in my responses or even accepting encouragement.  I wanted it to seem as though I was perfectly alright and in excellent condition.  The hard thing was that a lot of people who had come for me didn't know about my condition (friends of my parents). So I had to endure a lot of hard hugs and strange glances from them when I winced from physical touch.  Even when we went to dinner I didn't have the energy to enjoy it, and just wanted to go home and rest.

Even the next day at the main ceremony I had no idea what was going on.  I barely managed to find my graduation gown with nothing on it, and struggled to enjoy the moment.  Afterwards, in the pictures I forced myself to smile, but again, was just drained and wanted to go home.

Man, definitely not the graduation ceremony I had imagined.

Despite it all, I am grateful that it went exactly the way it did.  To God be the glory.